I Want to Kill Him, But....

By Ja'Cara M

 Intro: A woman can't decide if she wants to kill her love or not. A perfect relationship gone wrong or right.

(don't own photo)

I Want to Kill Him, But


   I watch him in the kitchen. Cooking that perfect meal like a chef. Our child sleeps in the night and it is only me and him. I watch him with hate filled eyes. From his perfect attitude to that perfect smile. I despise him so much. I want to do my deed tonight. To kill him where he stands. He doesn’t deserve to live; he doesn’t match my aura at all. He is the light, and I am the dark. He whistles while he cooks, flashing that smile with every blow.

He makes me so sick. That blackness that felt so hot has now turned gray from his light. He compliments me every day. He tells me I’m beautiful and how he doesn’t deserve me. His words sting me with poison and if I must admit it feels delightful, but I still want to kill him. Those words he tells me, the compliments he expresses. They burn my soul like fire and that fire is nothing but joyous pain. I want to kill him and while he walks away from the stove is when I make my move.

I approach him with a sly smile and pretend to watch him cook. He smiles at me and my heart stops. This pain I feel makes me want to stab him multiple times, so he can know how it feels. I peer at the fridge he is in and see memories from our past. From our first date at the bowling alley. He was watching me with those ‘wanting’ eyes and I thought it wouldn’t get to me. I thought I could ignore them, but his power was strong. Why must he stare? Why must he be so shy but yet so nice? And can only know how to criticize himself but never me. What is with his aura? Why is he so unwell? I could never answer these questions. Maybe I am in my own head too much. I can only see the future and I used to always see it alone until I met him. A guy who has lived longer than me but yet it feels like we are one in the same. No, that is impossible! I must kill him now.

I want to kill him. I see another picture from the time we went to a carnival. His laughter filled the car as we drove to the place. He glowed through the crowd and as the night fell. Towards the end he embraced me, touched me, devoured me and it made me want to see his blood even more. I walk over to him and caress his cheek. He kisses my hand and while he is doing his deed, I reach for the knife.

This is it, because his poison will not purify me. I will forever remain dark and cold. His heat will not entangle me like a web. I ready the knife and he looks at me with those big and wide puppy dog eyes. I shiver from it while stepping closer. Our mouth is just mere inches apart. He thinks I am going to kiss him, but no, I am going to end him. Right here, right now! I reveal my knife. He gives me a shocked look. I release my evil smile and hold my knife up high.

I want him dead

I want him dead

I want him dead…..I stab it and blood oozes down the wall. I look at what I have done. My deed of an evil sin, a sin I am proud of has given me my goal.

“Why did you miss, dear?” he asks. I watch the blood from the spider ooze down. It was crawling on the wall and my only excuse I could think of for the knife. But he saw right through me, he saw my goal all along and yet he still chose to stay. I waver and drop the knife on the counter. I wrap my arms around him and smile. “Don’t you want me dead?” he questions. I laugh at his question and kiss him with all my might. He turns off the stove and takes me right there and now.

I do want you dead for all the torture you have given me. The compliments, the gifts, and those soul burning eyes and smiles. I don’t deserve you, nor do I deserve this light in my heart. I will try my deed again when my heart returns black and that cold shiver comes back.

“I want to kill you….but I love you.” I whisper in his ear and that soul burning smile returns, blinding me.

I will kill you one day my love because I want to kill him.



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